


If you fall, I'll pick you up (If not, I will lay down with you)

by AnnaBanana91



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/F, F/M, M/M, Parabatai, Parabatai Bond, Parabatai Feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-05
Updated: 2019-05-05
Packaged: 2020-02-26 12:42:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18717304
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnnaBanana91/pseuds/AnnaBanana91
Summary: Alec had tried so hard. Tried so hard to convince himself that ending their relationship had been for the better good. And here he was; after Magnus telling him he knew what he had done, after asking him to marry him, just to see the love of his live sacrifice himself, again. It's more then Alec can take as he falls to his knees, wondering when he will ever see Magnus again. Of course Jace is by his side through it. Always.





	If you fall, I'll pick you up (If not, I will lay down with you)

_ “If you fall, I’ll pick you up. If not, I will lay down with you.” - Julio Cortázar _

* * *

 

“Never thought I’d be a runaway groom.” 

_ “Take me with you.” _ Alec thought as he watched Magnus disappear up in the air. And just like that, he was gone. Gone and he did not only take Alec’s heart with him, but also what felt like his breath. Alec’s vision felt blurry as he slowly walked towards the spot where Magnus had vanished. Before he reached it he fell to his knees, a tear rolling down his cheek. He had tried so hard. Tried so hard to convince himself that ending their relationship had been for the better good. No doubt had it been for Magnus’ good.  _ You’re not that selfish. Please, stay with me. _ The words had cut like knives and Alec hadn’t been able to look Magnus in the eyes during them, knowing that he would get lost and not be able to walk away. He had left behind the best thing that had ever happened to him, just for Magnus to be whole again. Whole, while Alec was in pieces. And yet, here he was again, in pieces after being put back together when Magnus told him that he knew, knew what he had done and why. 

Alec tried to speak, to voice something, anything but no words came, only a quiet sob as he bowed his head and closed his eyes. A few seconds later he felt a hand on his left shoulder, right shoulder, left shoulder blade and they all watched the sky turn from red and dark into silver and blue and then, into nothingness. Nothing. Nothing and everything, that’s what hit Alec as he closed his eyes once again. Magnus was gone. He had held him in his arms, felt his lips upon his own and now - Another sob left Alec’s throat and he bent forward where he sat on the stone floor, pressing his palms into it to support himself from falling over. He felt his sister get down on her knees next to him, and Jace who had already sat down beside him from the first place, moved his hand from Alec’s shoulder to the back of Alec’s neck and pressed down. He could hear the sound of his name, but didn’t register the rest of what Alec guessed was a sentence. It hurt, angel it hurt so bad and was he tired, exhausted really. 

Alec slowly shook his head and mumbled “I can’t - can’t do this…” before his voice failed him. 

“Yes you can.” Jace said and Alec could hear his voice trembling just as much as his own had. He reached to the side to grab Jace by the arm, to steady himself, to have something to hold on to and he did. He held hard. Too hard. And his parabatai let him. Alec let himself lean to the side and into Jace arms, both of them still on the floor. He turned slightly and buried his face into Jace’s neck, grabbing at Jace’s shirt with his other hand, too afraid of letting go.  

“I lost him.”   
“We will fix this. I swear to you, we will do everything we can...” Jace mumbled in Alec’s ear while stroking his hair. They stayed like that for a while before Isabelle put her hand on Alec’s shoulders.  “Alec” she whispered from behind them and Alec let go of his parabatai to hug his sister, the three of them still on the floor. “I’m so sorry,” she said as more tears fell down her cheeks. Alec let go of her and nodded in silence, looking down on his left hand and the silver ring that had now combined him and Magnus. His hand was shaking. “I can’t lose him,” Alec mumbled and looked up to his siblings “Not again, I can’t.” Both of them nodded back before Jace looked up to meet Clary’s eyes. The girl was trembling.    
“Clary?” he said as she shook her head “I’m sorry, I can’t be here right now..” she said and backed away, making her way out of the room. Jace was about to go after her, torn between the girl and boy he loved so much.    
“It’s okay, I’ll go.” Isabelle told him and leaned in to kiss Alec on the cheek. “I better try and find Aline as well…”

“You sure?” Jace asked, already standing up, looking from Alec to Isabelle.    
“I’m sure,” Isabelle reassured and stood up “You stay with him.” she said and nodded towards Alec before walking away. Jace took a deep breath before looking back down at Alec. He crouched beside his parabatai and once again placed his hand on Alec’s shoulder, not saying anything, just being there for him.   
“We should - we should join them” Alec said and saw from the corner of his eye Jace standing back up again, offering his hand to help Alec up. Alec felt drained, like he couldn’t move even though he knew he should, that he would have to eventually. They should go and look after the injured, see what was left of their beloved city. He should be the Head of the New York Institute, be the soldier the Clave and his parents had trained him to be, but right now he couldn’t. He just couldn’t. Alec kept his gaze up on the sky, where Magnus’ light a couple of minutes ago had taken away all the darkness and Alec wasn’t ready to lose him again, not now, not ever. If he could just stay here for a little longer, maybe just maybe....

“I can’t move.” Alec mumbled, his eyes still on the sky as another tear rolled down. Angel, when would it stop? 

“Alright,” Jace softly replied and sat down beside him. “You don’t have to. I’ll be here with you.”   _ Let me just be here with you _ …

Alec nodded and looked down at the ring once again before letting his right hand touch it, pulling it from side to side, but never taking it off. No matter what was going to happen, he was never going to take it off, Alec thought to himself.    
“Thank you,”

They would stay like that for quite a long time, looking up at the sky together in silence as comfort and hurt kept on flowing between their bond. Eventually some shadowhunter would find them, thinking it to be just two friends taking a break and asking them to stand up and go to the big Hall. And they would do it. Alec first, picking up the pieces of himself that was still left and then Jace, putting them back together the best he could, ready to collect them all, not if, but when Alec might fall apart again. Always. 

 

  
  


 


End file.
